Not my usual style of message … I thought I’d begin to share things that are imprinted in my mind. Comments, statements, questions that I’ve come across in the last three years since adding Widow to my list of life events.

Wanting MORE … it’s allowed !

You, yes you.

You’re allowed to want more.

The woman who got off the plane after a week away is a different woman to the one who boarded the plane.

I had to stop, look and snap.

A heart full of bottle tops. Random.

It drew me in. Standing proudly in a Greek port, filled with things that had been used, discarded, destined to be recycled.

And I thought about our hearts.

That’s what we do & every bloody time, it’s worth the effort.

Does that mean we hide? Run away ? Let’s hope not.

The real question is whether we have the courage to keep showing up, knowing we won’t come through without messy, tough stuff.

We show up, smile. On times it’s agonising, has been a challenge to find the reasons to smile. However, not once have I failed in finding a reason to smile, to be grateful, happy about something.

A spare seat, an empty space, scales weighing heavy …. A heavy heart, so blessed with love, so full of life , yet torn further from losing love after loss.

Death & life exist together … we know death is in our story, meaning life feels it deserves a big chapter, with depth, meaning & lessons woven through it. Right ?

A husband of 24 years.

A partner of 13 months.

Different lengths of time.

Different dreams.

The same heartbreak.

This one lands differently. There is a Fathers Day that rarely gets spoken about. ❤️

Ahh, a June evening. Solitude, walking, keeping going… upwards.

The outdoors will always be my preference. Any time, in every season of life.

I always see these days now as an opportunity to re-tune into loss. To revisit the thoughts that saturated my mind when death touched my world, took hold of it, changed it, and altered my perspective on simply… everything.

We are going to die ? Right ???

Yep…. It’s guaranteed.

We have a birth date & there will be a death date.

Simply a door to many. Why on earth did I take a picture of it …. I think I was taken with the knocker & snapped it or maybe the colour.

Not my doormat…But it still makes me feel instantly welcome. Like I’ve arrived home, to my sanctuary… my space. My mind… well, it’s a bit of a madhouse.

Calmness & contentment are not something that land when our world is shaken by loss. Not instantly, not without thought, never without work.

Widowed 27th Dec 2023

I was 51.

Young… but not young.

Old… but not old.

Confused, yet clear.

Uncertain, yet sure.

Each life ends ….. including ours. At any moment, at any time. There are no promises & there should be no expectations.

Life delivers lessons, endlessly.

Some are easier learnt, some we desperately want to learn, find easy to retain. Others, not so.