Does that mean we hide? Run away ? Let’s hope not.

The real question is whether we have the courage to keep showing up, knowing we won’t come through without messy, tough stuff.

We show up, smile. On times it’s agonising, has been a challenge to find the reasons to smile. However, not once have I failed in finding a reason to smile, to be grateful, happy about something.

A spare seat, an empty space, scales weighing heavy …. A heavy heart, so blessed with love, so full of life , yet torn further from losing love after loss.

Death & life exist together … we know death is in our story, meaning life feels it deserves a big chapter, with depth, meaning & lessons woven through it. Right ?

A husband of 24 years.

A partner of 13 months.

Different lengths of time.

Different dreams.

The same heartbreak.

This one lands differently. There is a Fathers Day that rarely gets spoken about. ❤️

Ahh, a June evening. Solitude, walking, keeping going… upwards.

The outdoors will always be my preference. Any time, in every season of life.

I always see these days now as an opportunity to re-tune into loss. To revisit the thoughts that saturated my mind when death touched my world, took hold of it, changed it, and altered my perspective on simply… everything.

We are going to die ? Right ???

Yep…. It’s guaranteed.

We have a birth date & there will be a death date.

Simply a door to many. Why on earth did I take a picture of it …. I think I was taken with the knocker & snapped it or maybe the colour.

Not my doormat…But it still makes me feel instantly welcome. Like I’ve arrived home, to my sanctuary… my space. My mind… well, it’s a bit of a madhouse.

Calmness & contentment are not something that land when our world is shaken by loss. Not instantly, not without thought, never without work.

Widowed 27th Dec 2023

I was 51.

Young… but not young.

Old… but not old.

Confused, yet clear.

Uncertain, yet sure.

Each life ends ….. including ours. At any moment, at any time. There are no promises & there should be no expectations.

Life delivers lessons, endlessly.

Some are easier learnt, some we desperately want to learn, find easy to retain. Others, not so.

The reality at the time this was taken was that infact life felt rather uncertain, rocked & that in the near future the knowledge that a final breath would be taken, by their Dad, weighed heavy in their minds.

Make yourself at home & comfortable. You are welcome here, in my home, you’ve visited before, you chose some of the decor here.

The Robin, has shown up in many places, I’ve noticed. Since loss, the delicate beautiful symbol of a link to those in my heart but not sharing my days here.

An early morning start, the darkness. Provoking thinking time, whilst driving with darkness all around.

Life has given me choices, it gives us all choices daily … does it not ?