Let’s try this …

Let’s try this …

My life must surely be over, done. The end of the road. My world has fallen apart, I’m exhausted, depleted of every scrap of energy.

Marriage discussions in November, a fatal heart attack in December. A celebration of life in January.

Phew … this is completely pants, what did I do to deserve this?

What’s the point, why me? Why why why.

Why - because death is right beside life. It comes at any point.

The point Michelle is simple - you must carve a life, rebuild your energy & continue in a way, that works for you. A way that doesn’t waste , the time you have here.

Gareth & Andy died … they really did. That’s negative, is it ? No, I can positively confirm they really did pass, I watched with my own eyes.

Am I a survivor - it seems so , I’m here.

Survive I will, I’m

Positive about that, for now. My time will come, I’m positive of that.

So, there you go folks … I’ve tried my best at negativity & I really do struggle with it.

Just as some struggle with positivity.

The struggle is real.

A card today … to accompany some bright blooms. They made me smile & cry in succession…. Joy & pain … together.

Let’s be clear …. I’m

Naturally a positive soul. That doesn’t mean I’m

Not grieving, that I don’t feel, it doesn’t mean I’m

Unrealistic.

Toxic ! Well, that’s a word isn’t it just. Waste ! Negativity, harmful.

Honesty

Optimism

Realism

Facing a situation head on

These can be seen as positive …. Toxic, apparently.

Nothing will swipe away my honesty, optimism is what will carry me, realism is what was faced & feared at the dishing out of death certs … facing a situation head on, is maybe what this post in this space is doing.

I sadly, very sadly feel that in the main, positivity is feared, questioned & assumed to be fake.

Positively taking hold of my layers of grief & taking them with me to love them, honour them & share my light & live, positively, is what intend to do. Before, my internal light is permanently switched off.

Death brought us here & death will remove us from this space. The bit inbetween I figure, is up to us , in the main.

Michelle ❤️