I’ll never know …

I’ll never know …

With each passing day, there are more smiles and they change. There’s a difference to the smiles, I’ll never know the full detail.

I do know that I’ll never know what it feels like to do life, without Dad as a teenager, as a student, with grief …. I’ll never know.

Our relationship is different to how it was before she began to learn what it feels like … without Dad. I’m still her Mum, however Mum with a different workload, headspace, mindset, energy …. There’s a difference. We each know this & live it, in the main beautifully. The depth of knowing runs wild, but I’ll never know.

I do know, without any doubt that she will continue the life stages, ages & chapters she’s destined for with a treasure chest of conversations about life & death … how none of us know the detail, the nitty gritty, the timelines … we simply know & appreciate the beauty ❤.

I also know the smiles will change … there’s always change. The detail, I’ll never know.

None of us will know the detail, we don’t need to. It’s a search that won’t deliver, due to the speed of change.

Loss changes relationships, rearranges priorities in a way that is always worthy of smiles, that adjusts the setting on the power of love.

I’ll never know what changes lie ahead, just that there will be beauty running deep. 

Michelle X